Make a Wish
"There was something from the past spooking me back... I didn't realise at the time, that it was you."
~~~
Curt knows; he remembers. Arthur isn't sure whether he wants to laugh or cry. He rises from his seat and follows Curt outside. "Hey!" His pace quickens in order to catch up with the figure turning the corner, shoulders hunched against the night chill.
Hearing the shout, Curt turns and waits. When Arthur finally stands before him, Curt smiles crookedly. "I wondered if you'd follow." Hand reaching out to caress Arthur's face, Curt leans in for a kiss. "I shouldn't have worried. After all, you followed me the last time."
~~~
Five years on, he's still dreaming the same dream. It comes to him less often, and no longer has the power to unsettle him. It is now more like running into an old flame and feeling sad nostalgia rather than despair and loss.
Marriage has ironed out the creases in his past, although the little things still haunt him when he's overtired and overstressed. Happiness does, however, come easier now. Life is less complicated.
~~~
The party is rather dull, he has chatted vaguely with two producers and a costume designer. He looks around for his wife; she had gone in search of the toilets around ten minutes ago and hasn't re-appeared. He hopes she's found someone to talk to. As he scans the room, his eyes linger on a well-remembered form slouched against a doorframe, fingers caressing a cigarette. He blinks and checks the rest of the room. Realising that even if he walks over to say hello, his wife will still easily spot him, he takes a mouthful of wine and starts towards the doorway.
The man's head pivots as if feeling a disturbance in the force. Christian smiles to himself at the analogy. "Hello, Ewan."
Even before Christian has finished his greeting, Ewan has pushed away from the door and has his arms around him in a fierce, genuine hug.
Christian feels Ewan's hot breath against his ear, "God you look fucking fantastic." The hug lingers just a beat too long to be casual, before Ewan shifts back and grins at him through a haze of cigarette smoke, all the while keeping a firm grip on Christian's forearms.
Ewan's presence almost blinds Christian. Of all the people he might have expected to run into, this is straight out of left field. He looks at Ewan in a daze. "You too. I didn't expect to see you here."
"Well, you know how it is. I was bored, Eve was bored, weren't you, love?" Ewan moves back to introduce Christian to the petite woman who is standing slightly to the side, eyeing them with interest.
"Oh, yes. So bored." She laughs, a light tinkling sound laced with an amusement that doesn't quite meet her eyes.
Christian smiles at her awkwardly, aware in a flash of cognisance that she knows, and that it hurts her.
~~~
Flesh shifts with each movement, puckering and stretching; limbs entwine, feet drag linen across the bed; hot sticky mouths gasp and lick, inducing moans and sighs; tongues dip into crevices, suck nipples and fingers.
Christian blinks up at Ewan, who leans over him, grinning. "What?"
~~~
There are two dreams, really, although they are inextricably linked in Christian's mind.
In the first, he dreams about Arthur and Curt. In this dream, Arthur follows Curt out of the pub, just as Curt wants him to. This dream ends with a happily ever after. End of story.
In the second, Christian rewinds a lazy afternoon spent in Ewan's trailer. More precisely - and in his dream, more vividly - having sex in Ewan's trailer. The sex had been better, the talk more relaxed, the atmosphere less intense, but it is this afternoon that he dreams about.
~~~
Curt's hotel room is basic, to say the least. Arthur wants to ask him how he ended up staying in cheap dives like this, but what would be the point? Curt's career pretty much dive-bombed after he split from Brian. He's still making music, yes; but these days he's a cult, rather than the global star they all thought he'd turn out to be.
"I'm not sure what you want, Curt?" Arthur is still reeling from the kiss; reeling from the thought that finally, after all these years, he may get the one thing he craves. It was never bettered, that night on the roof. Nothing has come close: no sex, no laughter, no talking, no comfort, no ease. Nothing.
Curt runs his hands across Arthur's chest and pushes the jacket off his shoulders. He leans forward and presses his mouth to Arthur's, shifting his hands to grip Arthur's t-shirt, pulling him as close as possible. "Do you remember? The night you followed me up onto the roof?"
"I'll never forget it." Arthur pulls back and gulps in air, cold across his teeth after the warmth of Curt's mouth. "You still haven't said what you want."
"You. I want you."
The next hour is lost in a haze of hastily shed clothing and far less hasty exploration of each others' bodies.
When, after he has traced every inch of Curt's back; licked every crevice of Curt's body; dipped his fingers into the tight puckered flesh of Curt's ass, Arthur looks down and sees Curt's mouth wrapped around his cock, he feel as if he might cry.
~~~
"There you are. Can't leave you alone for five minutes." His wife has hold of his arm and is smiling at the other couple.
"Sibi, this is Ewan and Eve. I worked with Ewan on Velvet Goldmine."
Sibi laughs and prods him. "I know that, silly." She turns to Ewan. "Pleased to meet you at last. Christian has often told me how much he enjoyed making that movie."
"Me too. And the cast was the main reason for that."
Christian is aware that Ewan is in full charm mode and leaves them to banter. Turning to Eve, he tries to engage her in conversation. "Do you come to a lot of these parties?"
Eve studies him until he feels the flush spread up his neck and across his cheeks; it has always been his curse to blush easily. "That really was the most banal question of the evening. I apologise." Christian tilts his head and smiles at her in what he hopes is an unthreatening manner.
"It's okay. We all end up making banal small talk at some point. I am rather fatigued as well and have been trying to persuade Ewan to leave for the last hour. For some reason, he wanted to stay." Eve's clipped, precise English is good cover for the edge to her tone.
Christian isn't fooled, though. He finds himself nodding at her, wishing desperately that he could escape from her scrutiny. Yes, she knows. He's sure of it, and the knowledge makes him feel nauseous.
~~~
"Softly he says, "I will mangle your mind.""
~~~
They lie wrapped around each other, the smell of sex and sweat permeating every part of the trailer. Christian doesn't realise he has been dozing until Ewan shakes him awake.
"You're not listening to a word I'm saying, are you?" Ewan's face has lost it's usual wry humour and looks strangely sincere in the strips of light streaming in through the blinds. Half his face in shadow; the other half too bright, too intense, too other-worldly.
"Sorry. What were you saying?" Christian is aware of a sudden shift in atmosphere. Sitting up, he pushes the hair away from Ewan's eyes. "What's wrong?"
"Look, Christian, we need to talk."
"Why does that sound ominous?" Christian shakes his head. "Might be that I've heard that line in every bloody cheesy film I've ever seen. This is the point where you tell me that it's been fun and everything but...right?"
"I'm married."
Christian barely stops himself visibly flinching at Ewan's defeated tone. "I know. I've always known. What difference does it make? It's not as if I'm going to ask you to leave her. Not as if I don't know this is just one of those on-set things that happens on every film."
"She's arriving here tomorrow. This is the last time this can happen."
"Oh." So that was it. As much as Christian knew it would end, he thought the end would come with the last day of shooting. He felt as though he had been punched in the gut. He'd let himself believe that he had another week. Another week of subterfuge and sex. Another week of kisses and laughter. How stupid.
~~~
"I'll be right back. You're okay for a minute, aren't you, Sibi?" Christian needs to escape, to catch his breath, to not have to shrivel under the gaze of Ewan's wife.
Sibi nods and smiles at him, brow slightly furrowed.
When he reaches the toilets he turns the tap on full and splashes cold water over his face, soaking the collar of his stiff white shirt, not caring a damn.
A hand presses into his back and he starts away from the sink, knocking his chin against a tap.
"Fuck." Christian turns and rubs at his chin, eyeing Ewan angrily. "What the fuck do you think you're doing? She knows, Ewan! She knows."
Ewan pulls Christian's hand away and gently presses at the mark spreading across the skin below Christian's mouth. "Of course she knows, you stupid fuck. You think I don't tell her?" Ewan rolls his head back, clicking the bones in his neck, releasing whatever tension is held there. "I don't know what kind of relationship you have with your wife, but my relationship with mine is based on honesty and openness."
Christian feels like punching him. "Don't you dare make assumptions about my marriage based on your own fucked up way of thinking." Pushing Ewan out of the way, Christian tries to reach the door. Suddenly he finds himself pinned against the wall, Ewan's mouth on his.
Christian surrenders to the strangely familiar taste of cigarettes, wine and Ewan.
~~~
"So what now?" Arthur strokes Curt's stomach, spooning against his back, forehead resting on thin, jagged shoulder blades.
"Hell if I know. I'm due back in the States in two days." Curt pushes back against Arthur and, when he feels Arthur's cock hard against him, shifts and turns to face him. "Fuck me."
Arthur swallows. Now he knows how it feels to be offered the grand prize and not know what to do with it. "I...Yes."
Arthur is above Curt, whose legs are hooked up over his shoulders; whose hands are gripping his hips; who is panting and grunting with every thrust of Arthur's cock. Arthur's cock, which is buried so far inside Curt that his balls are slapping against Curt's cheeks. The noise more obscene than anything Arthur has ever heard. More obscene even than the act itself. Arthur closes his eyes, batting down the voice of his father ricocheting through his head:
"It's a shameful, filthy thing you're doing."
"No, it's not Dad."
Curt starts to laugh. "What the fuck are you on?"
Arthur stills and looks down at Curt, who is spread out beneath him, looking thoroughly debauched. "Fuck, you're beautiful."
"Hey! You can stop that mushy crap right now!" Curt is grinning, "Come on, finish it, I wanna feel you come in me. I wanna feel alive."
Arthur resumes thrusting, harder, faster, more ragged, all rhythm gone in the intensity of the moment. Buries himself in Curt, gasps as he rises to a climax, watches Curt fisting himself in time with the movement of Arthur's hips. Curt comes first, hot and wet over Arthur's thighs. Then Arthur himself is coming, gripping Curt's hips so hard he knows there will be bruises and doesn't care; wants to mark him; wants Curt to look down at himself later and still be able to feel Arthur inside him.
"Shit." Arthur laughs at the tone in Curt's voice. He doesn't want to think he can hear anything other than sated desire.
~~~
"We can't do this." Christian pushes Ewan away and leans against the sink.
Ewan drops to the floor, wraps his arms around his bent legs and rests his head on his knees. "Yeah, I know. I'm sorry. Don't know what the fuck I was thinking."
"Ewan, you can't sit there. Someone will come in and see you. People will talk."
"Fuck them. I can sit here in misery if I want. Fuck it. In fact, I can run screaming out that fucking door if I feel like it!"
Christian starts to laugh. "You know, you can really be a drama queen sometimes." Crouching down, he smiles at Ewan. "I'd forgotten that."
"How could you forget? It one of my less flattering traits and, if I remember correctly, you had first hand experience of it."
"It's okay, Ewan, I'm not angry at you anymore. I don't think I ever was really. I just let it end badly." Christian rubs his eyes and sighs. "I behaved badly. You never made any promises to me and I conveniently forgot that when the end came. I'm sorry."
~~~
"It's only now, looking back, that I see how you patched through my walls and entered my life...and my youth."
~~~
"So, what now?"
"Isn't that my line?" Arthur laughs. "Fuck knows. All I do know is that I don't want you to walk away. I've been waiting for you too long."
~~~
Sibi and Eve are still talking when Christian and Ewan get back to them. Eve stares at Ewan a second too long. This time, though, Christian feels no guilt. After all, they're all grown-ups who make their own grown-up choices.
"Better get you home." Ewan puts his arms around Eve's waist and pulls her into a tight embrace. Turning to Christian, he smiles fondly. "Great to see you. And lovely to meet you, Sibi. It's great to see Christian so happily married."
"Bye, Ewan. Eve."
Christian watches them weave in and out of the other party-goers towards to door.
"So, are you going to tell me? Or am I going to be left wondering?" Sibi is looking at him with a half-smile on her face. Not angry, thank god.
"Later? Is that okay?" Christian's eyes are full of entreaty; he's not quite ready for this yet. It's too soon and he needs to calm down a little. "Let's get out of here, eh? Been a long night." He kisses her gently and guides her towards the exit.
~~~
"He called it a freedom; a freedom you could allow yourself... or not."
~~~
The air is cold and sharp as they step outside the hotel. Arthur looks up at the sky, stargazing.
Curt laughs and wraps his arms around him, chin resting on Arthur's shoulder. "Hey, look! A shooting star!"
They watch the ribbon of light flash across the sky, blazing a path to oblivion, leaving them huddled together in the gloom, white stars burnt onto their retinas.
Neither was ever sure who said it first but, in later years, it would become like a mantra to them:
"Make a wish."